Too Late Now
by superwoman1015
Summary: Post ep for the season 3 finale. Lisbon's thoughts and reactions as she finds out about Jane.


**Authors Note: **In case you missed, this is a post ep for the season 3 finale, it has some major spoilers in it, so if you've not seen it, which I'm not sure is possible at this point, don't read! OH! And because I've not put a disclaimer on my stuff in ages, I don't own them.

**Too Late Now**

The paramedics who came didn't care that she was the boss or that her team needed her. Of course, half an hour of arguing and the pain was so immense and she was having problems breathing and she just gave up and let them take her in. The doctor said she needed surgery, was there anyone she needed to call? She couldn't think. In the fog of pain, though it was lessening thanks to medication, she was back in that cabin with Grace and Madeline, feeling their pain. Grace, how would she come back from that? How could she be so stupid? But the medication they gave her was working and she felt herself slipping, further away.

She felt heavy. Not like she'd eaten too much food, but like the weight of a thousand worlds was pushing down on her. She heard beeping, a rhythmic whooshing sound from somewhere nearby, and voices.

"I'm not telling the boss."

"You're a chicken."

"You just think that you can get out of here before she wakes up."

"I'm surprised you're even here."

"Grace told me to leave her alone, that she needed time."

"I bet."

And then silence. She already knew about Grace, what did they need to tell her. What was it that they didn't want to have to be the one to let her know? Had something happened to Madeline? That would almost kill her. She had come to respect the woman when she had been her boss, and now she thought of her more as a friend than anything else.

But, no. Neither Cho nor Rigsby would care about telling her about something with Madeline unless she was dead, and she had been just fine when the paramedics had taken her down the mountain.

"I still can't believe he did it."

"Who? O'Laughlin or Jane."

"Jane. I didn't trust O'Laughlin from the start."

"That's only because he was dating your girl."

"Grace is not my girl."

"Not any more she's not."

"Still, can you believe it?"

"No."

"We shouldn't have left him there alone."

"How were we supposed to know he'd go and do something like that?"

"He never claimed to want to do anything else."

The two fell into silence again and she felt a sense of dread coming over her. She'd not yet opened her eyes and she didn't want to. There was only one thing that they could be talking about that would surprise Rigsby but not Cho that had to deal with Jane.

Was it possible that Red John had been at the mall? Was it possible that he had done something foolish without thinking…or with too much thought? All of the past conversations that she'd had with him came back to her head. He'd made it no secret that he intended to kill Red John if he got the chance, and knowing Jane he would be very sure that he didn't get the wrong man.

She heard the door open and a familiar floral sent came to her.

"Hey guys." Her voice was strained, and Lisbon could tell she'd been crying. "She still out?"

"Yeah, the doctors said she could be out for a few more hours yet."

"Did you guys decide who was going to tell her about Jane?"

"No." both of them at the same time. It had to be Red John. They had never been so close before. Had never been in a position like they had been. Jane had never been so frenzied before. He'd come close of sure, but never had he been the way he'd been the last few months.

"I don't even know how to tell her. Maybe we can NOT tell her." She could detect a point of defeat in the young woman's voice and she almost opened her eyes, but she couldn't face the world right now.

"How would that work, tell her that Jane for once in his life has decided to leave her alone? She won't believe us."

"We could let her find out from TV."

"That's an even worse idea."

"How do you even bring that up in a conversation? 'Hey boss, just thought I'd tell you that while you were in surgery Jane was arrested and charged with first degree murder.' Yeah, that'll go over really well."

"We don't know that it was premeditated."

"He had a gun. He didn't even try to hide it after he shot him."

"He had to have had a good reason."

"This is Jane, there is only one reason."

She wanted them to leave, she wanted to be alone. She didn't want to hear any more. She wanted to see Jane. To ask him if it was true. But she knew it was. He'd had a gun. Jane detested guns. How long had he had it? How had she missed him carrying it around?

She felt tears forming behind her eyelids, an unintended and unwelcome response. She knew this was going to happen one day, but somehow she always thought she'd be able to stop Jane before he did something stupid, before he killed anyone.

Instead, she'd been protecting the bait.

The trio in her room was silent; she tried to pull herself together. It hurt for her to take more than just shallow breaths, but she managed to relax despite the turmoil inside her head. She slowly opened her eyes and looked at the group of agents assembled at her feet. She couldn't let them suffer with through thinking that they had to tell her about Jane. She needed to let them know she knew.

She opened her mouth to speak when Grace looked up at her.

"Hey, Boss. Good to see you awake." She gave a half smile, that Lisbon was sure was intended to be supportive. And she couldn't speak. She couldn't keep up the pretense that everything was alright.

Lisbon felt the tears sliding down her face; she didn't want the team to see her like this.

"Are you in pain?" They all stood up, looking uncomfortable.

"No." she managed to crock out. "Jane?" She asked and the looks on the faces around her told her that it had been true, that she hadn't imagined the conversation.

"Can we get you anything?" Rigsby asked, clearly uncomfortable.

"No." and she closed her eyes again, feeling the tears still streaming down her cheeks. She would stop crying and then she would get mad, but for now she was sad, disappointed, annoyed. All that she'd done for him and this is what he'd done. She didn't expect any less, and yet, she was still shocked. Too late now to do much more than hire him a lawyer, if he wanted one.

She opened her eyes again, looking for a call button of some kind, but there was already a nurse there. "You in pain, Honey?" She plump woman asked, marking things off on a chart. Lisbon didn't speak, just nodded her head. The nurse pushed a button on a box next to the bed and Lisbon closed her eyes again.

She wanted to shut out the world for a while. She knew she'd have to face it eventually, but for now, she was going to pretend that Grace was still engaged, and that Jane wasn't sitting in jail ready to go to prison.


End file.
